Bring on the Night

At first everything he did was adorable:

The way he looked a little sad, with a glimpse of rascal to his punk haircut. His slacking ears and his little nose always jittering as if he wanted to smell his new home and owners.

What a darling. So cute and so pretty, and in our naivety we felt as this was a reflection of a genuine “thank you for saving my ass from foxes, raging dogs and the garden crazed folks that so liked to spray poison on my favourite greens”.

If only we had heard his soft whisper: “Suckers.” (Insert evil laugh).

Now the days have passed by, and we have wised up. I think he is the devil. Nothing more, nothing less.

My wife still loves him, but I am not so sure. He still thanks us regularly but since he can’t talk, he does it in a physical way. Not by pressing himself to our chest and close his eyes as one would hope. No, no – that’s way too easy and won’t make the long lasting impression we were looking for. Why do this, when you can leave a permanent mark of gratitude on the floor? After all, that’s way more sophisticated, right?

Bottom line: he goes number one & two whenever and wherever he finds it appropriate (and don’t think that he is not selective). We thought we had issue covered when we bought a cage. But seems he has a solution for everything.

2 days ago we borrowed my folks’ car, and had a field day for about 7 hours away from home. Meanwhile the rabbit was safely trapped in his cage, with enough food and water for days. Or so we thought. Nevertheless he managed to open the closed door in the cage (we are still not sure we closed it firmly, but no matter what he got out). Coming home revealed several “droppings” and adorable pools of fresh and dried out rabbit pee.

See, the wooden floor must have seemed too easy to clean, so he just frowned at this and headed directly to the hall to have his fun on the only real carpet in the apartment. 5 stains and one fresh dark yellow pool of happiness. Only ourselves to thank I guess.

We learned our lesson, and firmly secured the door with a lock for good. Now his only time outside the cage was under strict supervision from us.

Still, he outwitted us. After 2 days of this new arrangement he managed to take his revenge. 2 days was all he needed to crap absolutely everywhere inside the cage. Small parcels of fun decorated the floor of the cage. I guess he must have seemed extra poor and innocent today, so while I had a bath, my wife decided that he needed a clean cage. Getting dried up, I could hear my wife removing the top of the cage.

Not worried at all, I stepped out to find him having a blast in the sofa. At first I smiled, thinking that he was a comfortable little fella, but then my eye spotted something else. The coffee table carpet must have seemed too durable to leave a mark, so he decided to stain the sofa instead. In less than 1 minute the freaking’ rabbit managed to soil the sofa twice without a mark of regret on his face. And not the same spot, mind me. This guy is a pro and did the nasty deed to both seats. “Here new owners, bend over while I give you the coup de grace”.

Of course I declined to clean it, since I was not the one leaving the sucker alone and never would have. And of course I ended up doing it. Sigh. Man and woman: so incompatible, and yet so predictable.

No thanks needed Mr. rabbit, just enjoy your delightfully clean cage and fresh greens while we remove your majesty’s pee from our former favourite place to relax.

One would have thought we were smarter after initially naming the little terrorist “Chou” five days earlier.

Question: can you go to jail, for strangling a rabbit in a moment of rage?