Farm visit and some bitching
Jul 24th, 2007 by Peter
22th July 2007 Gao Leng
Woke up 30 minutes before C was ready to get up. I couldn’t sleep anymore, even though I badly needed the rest and didn’t sleep much or well that night.
I put my lappie under my arm and headed down the stairs of the computer school and plugged her in. Only C and I were in the building, so I had a chance to write up on the days gone by. It’s pretty tough – getting time to write here. There always seems to be some plan that C does not tell me about or maybe she is unaware of it herself. If I’m told anything the information is lacking or in worst case useless.
The problem is that C actually thinks she tells me stuff, but she only tells me 10% of what I really need to know or ask about. The rest is just circling in her mind and never get to me. I ask, but get no usable reply. I hear, but am told little that I can use. I see, but am never told what I see. It doesn’t matter if I ask follow-up questions as these are mostly ignored for something else she is doing or listening too. Her level of concentration is lacking here in China. These things are mostly when we are not alone. When we are alone she is a bit more responsive, but still she forgets to let me in on plans. She thinks she told me everything, because she has discussed it a long time with her family.
An example is yesterday, when we’re standing in front of a big old billboard sign from the computer school. C’s family is discussing what to do with it. After 1 hour of getting nowhere we are all going into a nearby restaurant to get some dinner. Instead C’s mother jumps on a motorcycle with C stepbrother and heads off. This does not make sense to me and I’m annoyed by standing there doing nothing when I should be eating and go home to bed. I was Ill and needed rest. So I ask C where they were going and she says “They are going” and then she stops the sentence and talks to her sister. What kind of information is that? I could see that they were going myself, but weren’t we eating so I could go home and rest my flu away? 2 minutes later I say to C: I asked you something, but you didn’t answer and she said: “I did, I told you they were going to find someone that will move this sign”. Sigh. This is just one example, but that’s what happens in most of our conversations when there are other people close by.
I don’t blame her very much though. I don’t expect her to translate everything. That’s simply impossible and even if she tried, she would be worn out pretty fast. What do annoy me are the few times I actually ask her about something, I get no answer or an unusable one in return. I do the very same task back in Denmark, where the roles are reversed. I know it’s a tough job, but I do it way better than her. Even though I get interrupted talking to her, I always get back to her afterwards and finish the initial translation/question/answer. Also I make sure she understands before I go on.
C’s problem is that people around her is constantly talking either to her, or each other. Her family talks constantly. She then can’t manage to listen to both them and me, and she picks the easy solution. This is of course the language she understands well: Chinese. So I loose.
I perfectly understand her dilemma, but it’s freaking frustrating to me. She’s my lifeline here, as I understand nothing whatsoever. I am never told enough about what the next move is or when it’s going to happen. I have kept pretty open about everything, but now that I am ill, I really need to know what I can expect and if I should opt for changing the plan to suit my health. Just hard when you don’t know the plan.
For example I was initially told we would be going to Gao Leng for one day. In my book that’s going there in the morning or afternoon and then back again in the evening. Actually C thought the same, so I’m not just a control freak. This was changed the morning on the day we departed, but I only found out because I asked C in a quiet moment. Ok, I guess I could sleep there, even though I at first had thanked no to going there in the first place. I was ill, and started using blood pressure medicine for the first time ever. The Chinese I’ve met here are random about their use of medicine, but I didn’t want to be. I told C to let her family know, that I would love to go, but “No thanks”. I needed to take care of my health before I wanted to do anything else. C completely understood me and agreed. 30 minutes later C’s family had laid out the idea differently to C and now she agreed that I would be ok. How could they know that? So they tormented me with “pleases”. I ended up caving and asked if it would be ok to “yes” or “no” the next day. The next morning I weren’t asked as it was expected that I would go. I would have said “yes”, but only because I didn’t want to appear rude. Not because I really wanted to play roulette with my recovering health.
Then day nr. 2 in Gao Leng I finally understood that it was planned we stayed yet another night there. I weren’t asked or prepared for this. I was still ill and had just bluffed my way through the day to make everyone happy.
The day before I had slept like crap and I missed our bed in Yilan. Actually I looked forward to some time alone and a chance to get enough rest. So I got pretty pissed a C when she let me know. I am convinced that she herself was surprised that it was changed by her family. Sometimes she is in the same situation as me where things are being planned over her head. What pissed me was more that she didn’t tell me when she learned it. She didn’t oppose or say: “I’ll have to ask Peter”. She didn’t do anything to stop it, even though she knew I was ill and had only accepted to be polite. I was told nothing until I found out myself. She was even a bit Ill herself and needed some rest. She admitted that she wanted to go back to Yilan too, but why wasn’t I let in on the deal?
So there I was – freshly convinced that I had to stay yet another day there no matter what. According to C the busses didn’t go because it was Sunday, so there was no other way. The people we were staying at asked me if I wanted to go and eat in a restaurant in the evening (C translated that and only that), so I said “It would be okay” (in Chinese). We had to stay there anyway, right?
Here is the tricky part. Meanwhile I had been told about us having to stay there one more night, C had worked out a different plan with her sister where we would go home in the evening. She just hadn’t let me in on it. Me accepting the offer for dinner gave her a problem, as she already turned down the offer. This could have been avoided by letting me know what was happening. Now she had to worm her way out of that one.
This is the stuff I’m talking about. Why aren’t I let in on these things? I know nothing and am told nothing. Even when I try to get information I loose out. Then I get half the story or nothing at all because she is interrupted by her family or far away in her own thoughts. I know she tries to make everything fit me best possible. I don’t blame her for not translating everything, but I do expect her to translate the small amount of things I ask of her. That’s maybe 3 or 4 questions daily. I also expect to be told about the plans and when they change. Then I know what to prepare for. I am told close to nothing and can do nothing about it. That frustrates me like hell.
Ok, I needed to let of some steam. You should not misunderstand me, because I love the girl like crazy. But not knowing anything because she forgets me and down prioritize me slowly turns me into a raving lunatic. I have told her about my situation and what I need a million of times and she can see my point. But she forgets about it as soon as we are back with her family. Actually it’s a pretty tiny thing I ask. Let me in on plans and when they change. Translate the few things I ask (3-4 a day mostly). Give me full answers and not just 50% when you do. Should be manageable, right? It’s not a war zone and we do have quiet time together from time to time.
At least there is now only 5 days until we go back home to normal life in Denmark. I also feel a bit happy that she now hopefully has learned that being “the integrator” instead of “the integratee” is not as easy a job as some may think. I also take pride in knowing that I am way better at planning, informing and asking her what she wants than she is when we are back in Denmark. But I’m also happy that she plays my current part much better than I do back in Denmark. My guess is that her doing so is because I make it way easier for her there, than she make it for me here. :-)
Heeeey – I was in the middle of writing what I did on the 22nd weren’t I? Damn I needed that whine.
So, I had a chance to write up on the latest days, right? Afterwards C came and soon the school started buzzing with kids. 9.00am we were picked up by Da Jia Fu’s brother (Da Jia Fu means C’s oldest brother-in-law). He drove us 1 hour down a dusty road where he had a farm. The day there was used on walking and checking out the crops. We also had our lunch there and I even had a chance to catch a little sleep on a bed. As always no rushing and no stressed people there. It was nice to check out the plants and vegetables, as we have neither of them growing freely back in Denmark. I tried tasting a chili fruit fresh off the plant, which was cool and a first-timer for me. All in all a very nice experience even though I felt very dizzy the whole day due to the flu.
At 4.00pm we headed back to Gao Leng where we would try to find some sort of transportation. I told C that I would happily spend 200rmb on a taxi if only that meant that I could sleep in our own bed that night. As C and her sister looked for a taxi I sat waiting in front of the computer school. When Da Jia Fu’s brother heard we wanted to take a taxi, he insisted that we used his car to go. He would arrange a driver (think it was one of his employees), so when he and his wife had dinner, one of his employees would drive us home. We just had to pay some gas. 80rmb of gas later and we were off to Yilan. Very friendly man and nice gesture of him.
On our way to Yilan, I finally saw a sunset worth getting a picture off. Unfortunately I was in a car and in the wrong side of it too. Sucks.
Back in Yilan we were dropped of at the computer school where C’s father sat outside. He had a problem on his hand. The computer school recently moved to a smaller but newer building and therefore the old billboard didn’t fit anymore and needed to be sold or given away (this story is partly mentioned in the earlier whine). All the family stood around discussing it for about 1 hour before someone actually did something. Not how this would have worked out back in Denmark. There one would be put in charge and then the rest would go and do something else. But here in China these things are a family matter. I hate this stuff. I needed to go home and rest so I could get rid of my illness. I also wanted something to eat first and had already agreed on going on a restaurant. I thought we could do this quick and head back home. This billboard was in my way. As usually C didn’t spot the problem. Since I’ve been given medicine I am considered as good as healthy by her even though I tell her that we need to slow down. Sigh.
After the discussion finally ceased we finally had some chow and headed back home. We had a quick wash and dug down in the pillows. Ahhhhh.