Bring on the Night

Dear coughing old woman behind the concrete wall,

Are you all right?

Do you know that before we moved to this apartment, we had plenty of annoying noise from our neighbours? Do you also know that this new apartment is much less noisy and that until recently we enjoyed exactly that?

The 2 first months we only heard people as they scrambled up or down the stairs. And of course that one time the young couple above us had a really loud good time in the bedroom. At least I hope so, or else we may have witnessed a murder. They have been eerily silent since, but maybe they just broke up.

I have to thank you for pulling me out of the dream world. I almost thought we were the only ones alive in the whole block.

The first time I noticed your extremely dry and slimy coughing, was when I lay wide awake at 5.00 o’clock in the morning. See, I was coughing a bit too since I caught the flu. I couldn’t help but notice you coughing too. I felt a little sorry for you, and maybe you did the same for me. There we were in our misery….. making a bond through concrete walls.

A few days later my cough vanished, but you just kept going like a machine. I would give anything to see an x-ray of your lungs. They must be extremely well-used. All logic tells me that you have to smoke a big cigar before bedtime daily and you sure must hate coughing in the evening. Maybe this is why you save it until the whole block sleep early in the morning?

You’re a woman of schedules and that shows. No matter what time I have to get up in the morning, you always manage to start some insane coughing/lung choking action exactly 30 minutes before the clock rings. The last days you even managed to make a wild puking sound in the end of the lung thrashing. I gotta give it to you: your timing is excellent every single morning. And really, if I wake up this easily every day maybe I really don’t need more sleep?

I bet you’re a sweet old woman adored by grandchildren and maybe you are even seriously ill, but I wish you wouldn’t wake me up every morning. Some days I look especially awful after a few days of your daily doses. I really need my sleep like other people, and going to bed early doesn’t seem to make any difference. You will get me no matter what. I think my wife have noticed me looking tired some days too. That’s the only explanation I can come up with to why she gave me a tube of mans eye gel for my birthday.

I hope you are all right, and not close to coughing yourself to a pair of wings. I wouldn’t hope that for anyone, but I sure would hope you could wait coughing until I was awake.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery….

Sincerely,

Your coughing buddy on the other side of the concrete wall

Tags: Humour, rant