Bring on the Night

You can put it in the newspaper and you can send her an email. You can air it on the telly in good time and give her a phone call. Even if I make a regular DEFCON1 countdown the last 15 minutes, one thing is for sure:

It will be a huge surprise to C that now we REALLY have to go to make it to school/work in time.

And of course I’m to blame when we are late, since I didn’t give a proper warning. Even though it’s the same time we have to go every bloody morning.

It’s not that we have a too busy schedule in the morning. I have enough time to watch the news and get a good cup of coffee. I also make sure two lunch boxes are made ready for later, and prepare the breakfast. All C have to do is get dressed, eat her already prepared breakfast and feed the darn rabbits (which basically mean pouring some rabbit food into a bowl).

So today I was late for work yet again. Not much, but I like to be on time.

Here’s a normal morning in my life:

Man say: “Get up or you’ll be late”

Woman hear: “I am your husband. God gave me to you only to annoy you in the morning. Please use the next 15 minutes to wake up even though you really should be getting dressed“

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Man say: “Come and eat your breakfast. Soon you’ll be late”

Woman hear: “Everything is ready for you, when you have the time of course. But don’t hurry up. There is hair to be combed…. again. Did I mention that you don’t need to hurry up?“

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Man say: “We have to go in 15 minutes”

Woman hear: “Oh, don’t forget that you have to feed the rabbits and talk crazy baby-language to them for the next 5 minutes (I know you think I’m joking, but…)“

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Man say: “We have to go in 10 minutes”

Woman hear: “Plenty of time yet. Please enjoy your tea“

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Man say: “We have to go in 5 minutes“

Woman hear: “Better go fix your hair again, and did you consider what clothes you want to wear today? Remember to ask your husband for advice, as he has absolutely no clue about women’s clothes.”

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Man say: “I now only have to brush my teeth and then we have to go“

Woman hear: “It’s time to whip up doe for the later baking session this afternoon (still not a joke and happened this morning). Also better check up on the rabbits again and talk some gibberish to them. Oh, and remember that now it would be a good time to go pack your back and find your school books“

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Man say (waiting at the front door all ready to go: “We have to NOW to make it“

Woman hear: “Love of my life, I know this may be a chock to you, but we have to go soon. You better hurry up. I am sorry I didn’t prepare you for this. Please start looking feverishly for your jacket and find your shoes, and remember to check up on the rabbits one last time as you scramble for your keys, lunchbox, jacket and bag. It would be wise not to wear a raincoat, since it is raining. If I am wrong you can scold me later or just look puzzled as you notice that it’s raining“

When I say: “We have to go in 15 minutes”, I really mean it. Where did I go wrong?

I’ll be damned if I ever crack the code to women’s secret language.