Bring on the Night

What REALLY turns on women?

Until recently your guess was as good as mine. Now I know better. “What is it then?” you might ask? What can really turn on women?

Money?… Jewellery?…. Power?…. Safety?….

If you thought one of the above, you were wrong. The answer is…. here it comes…. “plastic”. We are not talking bedroom equipment or anything in that category. No the truth is far more scary than that.

There is a story behind my newfound wisdom, and it goes like this:

Some months ago, a female colleague of mine started bringing catalogues from Tupperware to work with intend to sell. My colleagues (and yours truly) enjoyed our brought lunches while skimming the catalogues. As usual small talk were going on and this day the catalogues and Tupperware were the subject. In my head I had already dismissed Tupperware as yet another hype like the unmentionable times the Yoyo returned. I remember 20 years ago, when sellers made home calls trying to let my mother understand how invaluable Tupperware was (with moderate success). Big deal – I haven’t heard the slightest from Tupperware since then. Maybe one woman would buy a box or two at my work, but then it certainly would die. Oh man, was I wrong. One thing I didn’t take into account is the frenzy it brought along. Not the brand, but the “usage” and “versatility”. Have you ever tried dropping a bloody steak in shark-infested waters? Same thing basically.

My mistake was that I somehow believed that Tupperware is just boxes for storage, and that it was legal to make fun it. The catalogues numbered many items, which was hysterically funny and completely pointless to me. You can joke about it – really – but to certain extend. Then you’re in enemy territory my friend.

See to me Tupperware is only a brand for overpriced plastic boxes, holders and whatever. All is same thing: A box that comes in different sizes and you put stuff inside them. Well, a storage box of plastic in short. What more is there to it (my man brain thought)? Sure there is made new features that in my opinion are completely waste of plastic, but hey, they have to do something to keep the sales up.

That’s the point where some females apparently don’t agree with me. The guys at TW don’t do it for the money, but for the good of mankind. They solve the problems we never knew we had.

Example: How could I neglect to see importance of which a normal plastic box was re-invented by TW to fit exactly the food or thingy you need to store? How many a time have I not been in the kitchen with the last piece of cake that just wouldn’t fit inside the ordinary square box without being messed up when the box was moved? No worries, the brave lads at Tupperware put their brains together and invented *horns blowing* “the cake shaped box”. That sucker surely won’t be put in the back of the cupboard and fast tracking down memory lane.

It may not be apparent to the eye, but inside about 25% of all women, hides a Tupperware monster. You can joke all you like about TW, and the monster will keep hidden. You can make fun of the overpricing, joke about the cult-like meetings and organisation, but never – NEVER question a function or importance of a Tupperware item. I did it all in the written order. *ERRR* wrong.

At first there were smiles and laughter, but when I asked why one would buy a beef-presser and what sick individual would “invent” such a thing, I could feel the instant cold from a few female colleagues. In my ignorance, I somehow oversaw the well-known fact that this item is nothing less than brilliant and essential to normal life.

If you are a guy you would be shaking your head right now saying “beef presser?” making a stupid face.

So here it goes: The beef presser is a plastic tool that helps you secure even shaped minced meat beefs for that greasy burger or regular beef you so adore. You put the minced meat into the tool, and press the meat using the fabulous design. Voila, even shaped beefs. On the plus side: the meats sticks better together. This tool just has my name on it. We already have a fully stuffed kitchen cupboard, but now it is just dying to include this valuable invention as well.

Well, back to the lunchroom at work. As I questioned the value of this item, whole hell broke loose. Not in the angry you-big-moron-we-will-kill-you-stupid-man-kinda-way, but it sure did awake the secret Tupperware monsters until then idling in the crowd. At that moment the mood went from casual small talk and joking to dead serious this-tool-is-great-and-I-already-have-one-at-home talk with the undertones if-you-don’t-agree-to-this-you-are-a-complete-fool. I could see one of my male colleagues grind his teeth like I did, giving me the look of silent mutual understanding. Both of us begged that no more jokes would escape our lips. The result would be more horrible than we could imagine. Though no one exactly bite my head of at that moment, the new mood told me that they surely would if I dared say another word. So I shut up.

You ever tried asking a guy what his girlfriends name was, only to be told by him that he actually has a boyfriend. No? Really? I have, and I can enlighten you, that the result is exactly the same. You just shut up right there, right then. No more questions asked, and no jokes ready.

Many weeks have now passed since that lunchroom day and even though the frenzy have calmed, the monsters are still lurking under the surface of a few smiling female faces at work. From time to time Tupperware is discussed and it is allowed to joke again but only to a magical and invisible border.

The optional Tupperware party/séance has been held, and boxes have been transported home. Looks have made been and nods have been exchanged.

Work is back to normal (as can be) after the Tupperware invasion.

To this day I am amazed that Tupperware really sells. I mean, one thing is that we all need storage boxes for food or similar, but how it is possible to sell things like a beef presser, cakeshaped box, “special” cheese containers and similar is beyond me. I never saw anything like this before. What describes it best is “frenzy”. All logic ends, and madness sets in. Now I guess I know how some women feel when we guys discuss cars, sports and computers.

Now my only worry is what Tupperware category my wife is in? One thing is for sure: no way will I be taking one of those catalogues home.

Oh, by the way, one of my male colleagues is the only one from the man-side of my work to admit that he actually fell-in and bought a so called “lunch-box”. 50 cents of shaped plastic bought for the price of 109kr (about 18US$). And oh yeah, I have let him know that he is now considered a sad existence among other men (when none of the Tupperware monsters were around of course).