Bring on the Night

Just the other day I got yet another visit from my favorite we-can-save-your-atheist-ass cult Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Must be the 6th or 7th time they tried to save me and probably not the last. I still remember the first visit. It was a 2-3 months after I moved away from home. I was caught completely off guard. I knew they were out there, and one day they would come around, but I never expected them that day. I was taking an afternoon nap as the door bell woke me. I could barely remember my name as I opened the door. So I was polite and mumbled “no thank you” and even threw I a smile.

3rd time I was wiser and had read up on the organization. I knew they were not making random attacks here and there. Every visit is scheduled, and they keep a database. So this time I politely asked to be put on the no-way-in-hell-list, but I kept it polite of course. I respect peoples rights to worship Jehovah, like I expect them to respect mine not to. Yeah – I’m a dreamer.

Recently I’ve managed to turn on the more Evil-Peter. One would expect that a few swear words and flying mouth water would keep them away, but no. A little week ago they stepped up again. This time 2 younger girls were sent in to lure the nerdish male. I’m sure I scared at least those two away. After my short “speech” the only words they dared used was “Yes” and “Sorry”.

I’ve wised up, so I know they will be back for more. You can kill their spirit for a while, but they just re-spawn. Sigh.

What pisses me off is that they don’t respect a “no thank you”. I could understand if they only made random house calls and did a block at a time or similar. But I know for a fact that everything is schemed. The 2 girls who came by the other day wandered off again with no intention to visit any of our neighbors. They are like laser guided bombs with my name on it. They steered directly for the next poor fella in line as they hurried off our street to get away from me.

Jehovah’s Witnesses keep a long list of names divided into “within possible saving” and “bound for hell”. Somehow I just can’t get on the black list no matter how rude I am. Swear words apparently don’t work at all. I am told by friends and relatives that there are a way to fix it. Many have told me to put an “I am blood donor sticker” on the door. This should do the trick, but I really don’t want to. Why should JW dictate what I put on my door?

Anyway, since it have come to this, why not do it right? So I was thinking about putting something like this under my name on the door instead:

If you are a Jehovah’s Witness read this before you ring the doorbell:

Here lives Peter. A heart-transplanted gay Satan-worshipping pedophile blood donor who joined the military to live his dream of killing people and fiesting on their blood. Ps.: I love animals (every Saturday).

Any other suggestions?